I had a dream last night.

In the dream, I was playing Fallout New Vegas, except it didn’t feel like I was playing a game. I was actually there in the Mojave. It felt completely real.

I was out camping somewhere in the desert during a quest when my dog, Atlas, suddenly came limping toward me. Something was seriously wrong with his leg. I put him in my car and started trying to drive home but I kept running into broken bridges and undrivable roads, all while not being able to get through to anyone on the phone.

Eventually I made it home, but Atlas was still badly hurt.

Then I suddenly realized

I could reload.

Even though everything felt like real life, I knew I was still inside a game. I remember saying to my family, “I am sorry. I have to reload the save.” They were understanding and wished me luck.

When I loaded back in, I was outside the building where I had been camping before, looking for my dog.

But Atlas wasn’t there.

I saw a dog running towards me from the dark desert.

It was Rex.

And as Rex came running up to me, I heard a voice. I cannot remember the exact wording but it was something like

“How did we get so far away from this?”

Fallout New Vegas came out in 2010. Back then I could sit down and play a game all day. I didn’t feel guilty about it. I didn’t think there were more productive things I should be doing. I didn’t analyze whether the mechanics were dated or whether movement was too slow. My back didn’t hurt. My arms didn’t go numb.

I just played.

And somewhere over the years, I got very far away from that.

I haven’t been playing games much recently. Too much to do, or so I tell myself. I thought I understood “Get back to gaming” but I realize now that I didn’t get it at all.

I woke up remembering almost the entire dream, which almost never happens to me. Most dreams disappear within minutes, but this one stayed with me, and the more I thought about it, the harder it hit me. I cried for 20 minutes after waking up. This felt less like a random dream and more like a message.

I am not religious and yet I heard the voice of God.

God is a gamer.

And he wants us to get back to gaming.

give grace?

grace givers: